Stop Dating "Safe" Men

If my friends in their thirties who are still dating ask me for advice, I always tell them: stop wasting your time on "average" guys you aren't actually attracted to.

Seriously, stop fooling yourself into thinking that the seemingly honest, ordinary, "safe" options are better for a stable life. That isn't security; it’s often just a sign that you’ve reached a certain age and are beginning to settle, trying to convince yourself to swallow your pride.

But here is the problem: when it comes to feelings, once you start compromising your soul, things rarely end well.

At this stage of life, why force yourself to settle for someone you don't even really like? You look at him and feel no attraction; you can't bring yourself to kiss him; your hugs are just "fine." There is no spark in your conversations and you have no excitement for the future. Just because he seems like a "decent person," you force yourself to try. Honestly, that isn't maturity; it’s a slow form of self-destruction.

In this era, marriage is no longer the only answer, nor should it be the "standard" answer.

If you have already reached this point in life, why would you still choose to compromise? Choosing someone just to "get by" is a waste. A fulfilling life is about experiencing better things: dating people who move you, getting closer to those who make your eyes light up, and choosing the people who make every meal, every date, and every flirtation feel worth it.

If you’re going to date, date someone who makes you feel alive. If you’re going to love, love someone you genuinely want to be near. If you’re going to invest, invest in someone who makes you think, "Wow, love can actually be this meaningful."

Don’t fall back into that old trap of thinking: "I’m old enough, he’s fine, the conditions are right, so I’ll go for it." You tell yourself that even if the feelings aren't there, you can work it out because finding someone to marry is "reassuring." Many people have taken that path; it looks stable on the surface, but inside, it is stifling and stagnant.

The biggest waste of life isn’t being single. The biggest waste of life is having the capacity for love, desire, and passion, yet forcing yourself back into a race of desperate marriage-seeking, matching, and conditional exchanges. Pretending that a list of "pros and cons" is maturity is a lie. Maturity isn't about castrating your desires. Maturity is knowing exactly what you don't want.

A "harmless" person is useless to you if you don't truly like them. A stable relationship, no matter how secure, is not worth it if it's empty. Your life isn't about completing assignments, and your relationships aren't about filling quotas.

So seriously, if you’re over 30 and still dating, don't settle for an ordinary relationship that doesn't excite you. Date someone "delicious"—something that resonates, something that makes your heart flutter. Date the person you know might not be easy to win over, but who makes you feel: this is what love is all about.

At this age, instead of finding someone to satisfy a social need, you should cherish your own heart.

Thank you for reading!