still-.it.hurts
Another blackout poem. introspective.
figure best -to write - - not e.dit - until - - the bitter conclusion...Indo.ing so I can unpack myfeel.ings,lay it all out on the sc.and decide fromtthere what to do
You...see. I generally have someplan when writ.ing about anyth.ing but not this time, I just wanted to let my thoughts take me
to get off my chest, all Ineed - freemyself, unburdenmyself of - guiltorselfish loath.ing -feel - I think of you
-figure my newfoundjoy in writ.ing - unfurl.ing the pains - s t r e s s e s - mymind will... help me deal with - all
thehaildidnotfallthemoulddidnotsmellthevanillatastedsweetthecompassstillworkedandthespiderwebslookedlikefancylacethedayshepassed
butyou were.far.too.gone.toknow----to care. If you. ever. did.
The resentment - - at times, can't be kept in a jarin bacofmymind, it can't be set.. aside for later
it bubbles to the surface and I want to scream...scream my pains, ...entitled
though, ...pains feel unwarranted and unjust, there are of course, others who have experienced worse than me
(drunkardlackoingrealaffectiondidn'tknowhow)still it hurts I had you to look up to, or not...asthecasemaybe, still it - - still I suffer
in small - seem.ingly in.-.significant ways, - see, because - trauma of - absentee is different from trauma of - abused
but.-.still-.i.t.hurts
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: Wanted this to have a very unpolished look with blackout elements and other things that upset how it reads. Also the clearout of the digital sofa continues!
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.
Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.
"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!
https://paulspoeticprints.etsy.com
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Comments (3)
Well done. Intense!
Paul, this is as raw as a razor burn and ten times as painful. These hurts do not go away easily or quickly. I think your stream of conscious absence of editing and cramming long strings of words together multiplied the effect of loss, sorrow and rage. I almost felt your hurt as if it were my own.
It's interesting to read in this form. Got me thinking a bit. I wonder how capable I am of writing pure thought or whether the act of articulating formats the thoughts to some extent.