State of Mind

Sitting against a course tree trunk, reading an inviting book,

Hearing creatures chirp and flounce, giving the sky a probing look.

Playing my mother’s old voice notes, just to hear her voice,

Deciding between chocolates or cookies, thankful I have the choice.

Watching grandparents with little ones at the park having fun,

Feeling the warmth of my comforter, a coffee, the sun.

Entertaining my loved ones, quiet and shy as I may be,

Knowing my heart’s content as they bring the best out in me.

Listening to my thoughts, at times louder than I can bare,

Frightening though it is, contemplating what is or is not fair.

Thinking about the condition of people, why we are how we are,

Regretting at times that I have managed to make it this far.

Belonging nowhere and everywhere at the same time,

Learning that life is a constant fall and a constant climb.

Foreboding echoing ever closer, melancholy on every horizon,

Deadening my soul one day and another letting it liven.

Sparking fire in my wills and wonts, frequently I am making,

Pondering hobbies and interests; passions are awakening.

Realizing what happiness isn’t, what contentment is,

Willing to forgo the former, because that is show biz.

My home is not happy, nor is it sad.

It is not a place, nor a feeling.

It is the state of my mind, my oldest comrade,

It is ever growing, and ever healing.