Speakeasy

How the hell did we get here

I wonder as I walk to the bar

it is dark here, pretentiously so

and all the drinks have ingredients

I don’t understand and can’t

fathom in combination,

exactly like us.

You tell me what drink you want

with your mouth

You tell me what else you want

with your eyes

which I can’t see all that well

in this dim light

but which I know from the last

four hours are the color

of the gulf coast, a faded

grayish blue

I wonder why I never noticed this

before, and then why I never

noticed you

How the hell am I here now

amid this babbling crowd in a city

I have always known

that is suddenly made exotic

with someone in the background

suddenly made new

I ask for the drinks with their

ridiculous names

and I swallow hard and look

over to you. Fuck. I’m terrified

of how I feel.

How did we get here

and where is this all going?

Times of transition were always

my vice. I am weak and hungry

for you tonight. I should care

about consequences

but I just can’t bring myself to.

Over stupid twelve-dollar drinks

I fall hard, right into you.

How the hell did I get here

and how will I ever make it out

and what happens

if I never want to?