sorry my friend

It hurts me the way you left

but I would be selfish to have made you stay

in a place that you had found no comfort

hopefully you found it at heaven's gates

I just wish that I had my friend again

Because buddy everything fell apart

I know that I am not a Saint with no sin

I played my own part in ruining all our lives

I blame myself for everything that happened

From crystal leaving abandoning what we had

it almost killed me knowing you were the best friend I ever had

You always had my back through thick and through thin

even when you probably shouldn't have

if you didn't maybe you would have lived

Gotten away from me and all the cruel individuals

Away from that lying soul sucker you brought along

but I have no right to hate I watched it all myself

I'm sure that there is place reserved for me in hell

For allowing what I allowed without skipping a thought

And next thing I knew I knew nothing at all

'cause then came the news of your untimely end

I wish I had been there to smack in you some sense

You chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem

I wish that you would have chosen different

'cause I could use your help now

But I don't deserve such compassion

I don't deserve such a friend

And I might not ever have another

knowing what I did

Or did not I can't decide which is worse

Having the power to change things for the better

But not having the courage to do so

Being influenced by those you knew were wrong

Watching it all burn when you could have cured them all

There is a sickness and me that started from that very day

And it is ever there present eating me away

A darkness that I cannot fathom

Because I cost the life of my best friend

over a little bit of fancy and a bit of whim

I will never forgive myself for that I hope you know that

And I think about you every day

And I always will 'cause you are my dog

And sometimes I feel you watching over me

Weather in humor at my depravity

Or in hope that I'll come out of this calamity

I don't know but I can only guess

We were friends for a long time

I'm sorry I didn't pass that test

I've tried harder and I've done my very best

To improve myself and make sure it never happened again

But then I find myself doing it to others myself

The way that Charlie did to you

And I feel that darkness growing stronger

It is then that I truly feel the Blues

Because what is wrong with me I've never been like this

It's as if something has taken hold of me

And turn me into something I've never been

A demon a monster something in the dark

Forever looking for a victim 2 steal away its heart