slowly disappearing/the fear of falling in love

i've held hands with a ghost before

and watched them float through the halls

searching for the memories

in the corners of their minds

because they are not under the couch cushions

with the remote and 2 year old butterscotch candies

they are not in the back of the closet

where the secrets are escaping from

they are not even in the corners

underneath the dust and the cobwebs

it keeps coming back

though i just dusted a hour ago

or was it a week

they were here

and now they are crumbled leaves in the wind

even if i could grab a piece of it

i would never get it all

flying higher and higher

until they are like stars

pretty and impossible to reach

***

one day it might be me

and that scares me

not the fading away

or my memories trickling out of my skull

and evaporating into the air

it's the first time

i forget the name

of [the man] in front of me

or worse

i forget that i love [him]

***

maybe it's part of the reason

i run away from something I want

this fear of burdening [him]

with things he didn't ask for

yes i know

that is love

two parts

sharing

what would be too heavy for one

[i don't want easy,

i want real]

***

knowing that doesn't change how i feel though