Sense of Loss

I take a bite

and I hear

your lesson

“Place it on your tongue

and press it

against the roof of your mouth

let it melt naturally

so you get all the flavors”

-

but today...

-

it is tempered

by the salt of my tears

that overpowers

the subtle notes

of orange

and chili

as the deep

dark

chocolate

coats my tongue

melting

into decadent tendrils

that

encircle

my aching heart

-

-

-

Holding

the nearly empty bottle

up to my nose

I inhale

and

feel

you near

-

the warmth of

musky oak

sharp citrus

and

faint vanilla

seeps

d

e

e

p

inside

my soul

wrapping

its comfortable

layers around

and making me

feel safe

-

as if I’m a child

in your strong arms again

-

another whiff

makes my eyes water

as I choke

on my ragged heart

-

-

-

The sun

s

i

n

k

s

over the snowcapped mountains

spraying the clouds

with bright purple

and soft pink

-

the sight takes my breath

away

bringing back

a flood of memories

-

sunrises

we watched

over fishing lakes

and

rides to school

-

sunsets

we managed to share

though

we were miles apart

I reach

for my phone

to share this moment

-

but...

-

remember

you’re not there

anymore

-

we shared our last sunset

many

months

ago

-

-

-

I slip the worn sweatshirt

over

my head

and

snuggle into

the soft fabric

grateful for the warmth

that

s

o

a

k

s

down

into my chest

-

how many times

did I cuddle

into this shirt

-

as you wrapped

your comforting arms

about me

-

soothing

my bruises

and

scrapes

of childhood

-

easing

the heartaches

and

awkwardness

of adolescence

-

but...

-

the closest I can get

to your hugs

again

is

wrapping up

in this old sweater

of yours

-

-

-

The music

floats

through the air

-

the soundtrack

of hundreds

of road trips

-

the memories

twist

through the notes

-

visions of mountains

waterfalls

forests

and

canyons

-

and miles

of roads

with nothing

to see

but wildlife

-

the melody

echoes

your voice

in

my

heart

-

I remember

singing

the words with you

that now

sting my soul

-

as Bread intones

-

“I would give

anything I own

just to have you

back again.”