Sense of Loss

I take a bite and I hear your lesson

“Place it on your tongue and press it

Against the roof of your mouth

Let it melt naturally so you get all the flavors”

But today it is tempered by the salt of my tears

That overpowers the subtle notes of orange and chili

As the deep dark chocolate coats my tongue

Melting into decadent tendrils

That encircle my aching heart

Holding the nearly empty bottle up by my nose

I inhale and feel you near

The warmth of musky oak, sharp citrus, and faint vanilla

Seeps deep inside my soul

Wrapping its comfortable layers around

And making me feel safe

As if I’m a child in your strong arms again

Another whiff makes my eyes water

As I choke on my ragged heart

The sun sinks over the snowcapped mountains

Spraying the clouds with bright purple and soft pink

The sight takes my breath away

Bringing back a flood of memories

Sunrises we watched over fishing lakes and rides to school

Sunsets we managed to share though we were miles apart

I reach for my phone to share this moment

But remember you’re not there anymore

We shared our last sunset many months ago

I slip the worn sweatshirt over my head

And snuggle into the soft fabric

Grateful for the warmth that seeps deep into my chest

How many times did I snuggle into this shirt

As you wrapped your comforting arms about me

Soothing my bruises and scrapes of childhood

Easing the heartaches and awkwardness of adolescence

But the closest I can get to your hugs again

Is wrapping up in this old sweater of yours

The music floats through the air

The soundtrack of hundreds of road trips

The memories twist through the notes

Visions of mountains, waterfalls, forests, and canyons

And miles of roads with nothing to see but wildlife

The melody echoes your voice in my heart

I remember singing the words with you

That now sting my soul as Bread intones,

“I would give anything I own just to have you back again”