Rotten

Inspired by an amazing poem Rotten Memories by Sasha Desideri.

——

In the dark, I can pretend to be myself.

In the dark, I close my eyes, I almost can hear that unearthed soft voice that feels so familiar yet so alien.

Is that really me? No,

In the dark

I speak with a sharp magnetic pulse, the masculine energy so intense it escapes me

Even as I desperately want it to be soft,

Soft, soft

Soft

Soft, like this pure, sweet, piercing void

Everything is perfect now

I’m one with my own demons

In the dark, the pure, deep sea dark

I can pretend to be myself.

I have shut down all the doors,

The walls I have caved them in

I have locked it all up

In the dark

There’s nothing, and I like that

I like the nothing

I seep inside the nothing

In the dark, I can pretend to love myself.

In the dark, you caress my hateful heart

That hurts more

The hateful heart that trusts the darkness

The hateful dark that has crushed me,

Have I vanished?

Rotten minds are pure, they stay alive

In the dark

I’m myself

I’m cloudy, pink and heavy, soft, oh so soft, soft, soft

Soft, soft

Soft

In the dark

I think I am no one

I sink, so deep.

I close my eyes, the darkness collapsing, colliding, dying

As I go soft, achingly soft, oh so damningly soft

——

Author note: The ending of The Amazing Digital Circus was terrifying and heartbreaking. I broke down so deeply as Jax’s story, his broken identity, his trauma and his pain resonated deeply with me. I haven’t cried so hard in a while. I’m just so sad. But I’ll be ok. In the dark.