Rooms I Once Knew

I have known my bedroom

my living room

my kitchen

Now I no longer recognize them

You are not there

.

I have known my house

my land

my neighbourhood

Now I know no one

You are not there

.

I have known my local area

my municipality

my region

Now I am rootless

You are not there

.

I have known our language

the one we spoke between us

among friends

Now I am voiceless

You are not there

.

I try to find a voice

a language to speak of you

to find new friends

I must learn to speak

In order to preserve you

.

I must find a new region

I seek a new municipality

A place that might become my new local area

To find a harbour

Where a gentle rocking greets you

.

I must search for a new neighbourhood

A new ground for my life

Where my future house will stand

To get to know people again

And live on without you

.

I will cook in a new kitchen

Sit in my living room and watch the rain

I will sleep in my bedroom

With a new beloved

But never forget you.

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Author’s Note:

The future is present in every moment that follows after a loved one dies. Life must be lived, and the past not forgotten, but neither should it paralyze me. My beloved died on October 28th, 2024, and slowly my existence is changing. New possibilities are opening, shaped by many easy and difficult choices alike.