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Today, I remind myself
I don’t have to be in the ‘mood’ to write
To write
I can pour out my
Musings to the
Page, which (as long as I
format properly) become
A poem.
Although I’ll spend hours
Considering commas over semi-colons;
It doesn’t have to be perfect,
Doesn’t have to be clean–in fact
There is beauty in the mess,
Just like me (thankfully).
***
I’ve been whittling down my dreams
For decades; I remember
What hope tasted like:
That bright, sunny excitement
That turned to ash in my mouth as
The earth burned around me,
An incinerant smell
As the towers fell,
As the markets crashed,
As the world shut down
And I had to adapt.
Expectations dashed,
All the things I wanted
A stunning punch to the gut,
As doors slammed shut.
***
I made myself small
So I would fit, I thought
That’s what I had to be
To be wanted,
But I was always too much
(too wild, too big)
I would break things
That were flimsy to begin
With, that white plastic
Picket fence all covered in
Thorns only left me
Torn, visible scars…
I thought I was broken,
That something was missed,
Turns out I was just
Playing along to a part
I was miscast in,
Singing the wrong
Song, as I harmonized
With the voices of doubt
In my mind,
I leave it behind.
***
So I return to my roots,
Bury my hands in dirt,
(the aroma of loam)
Plant the seeds of forgotten
Ambition, a new premonition,
Feed kaleidoscopic flowers,
Unfettered.
Because none of this matters,
Nothing is real, there is no ‘right,’
It’s all just pretend
This is a stage
So I might as well play
And retake the vision
My heart released
To keep from breaking.
The truth is,
We’re all just making
It up as we go,
So why not make it
Extraordinary?
About the Creator
Bex Jordan
She/They. Writer. Gardener. Cat-Lover. Nerd. Always looking up at the sky or down at the ground.
Profile photo by Román Anaya.
Instagram: @UmaSabirah
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Comments (1)
This is so beautifully expressed! I relate to the punctuation dilemma! The lines about the taste of hope changing was particularly poignant, but especially loved the inspiring and positive end! Wonderful work, Bex!