Remembering Myself
Forgotten Fragments of a Fading Dream
Once long ago I heard the call
The thunder rumbled through my bones
A storm did brew beyond the walls
It came to plunder sand and stone
x
A loving man does stand and fall
With kith and kin with which he's grown
Yet if ignored by one and all
Might such a man set out alone
x
"For distant shores across the way
Rain come again another day
The deepest blue is found in you
So sail the seas others eschew
x
Don't fail to see the tale is thee
The veil is pierced by hearts that see
The truth of old is clear and bold
We do not run from destiny
x
Lest we should meet along the road
Exactly what we'd thought we'd stowed
From which we'd hoped to hide away
Rain come again another day"
x
And so it was that I was lost
And found my storm still stalking me
I fled until I'd fin'lly crossed
Horizons lost and found for free
x
All land vanished from sight and so
So suddenly I came to know
Just what it's like to truly be
Alone at night and lost at sea
x
Imagine then my surprise when
A voice began to fill my ears
I'd never heard, not now or then
A sound so pure yet filled with tears
x
Her song a haunting melody
It drifted up as if the waves
Were echoing her chemistry
I did not yet know they were slaves
x
I'd soon find out that fact and more
Though I'd be blind to what's in store
For those who can't resist the whore
Such men forget their own life-lore
x
I've skipped ahead a bit I think
One can't leave out a single link
When one puts such a tale to ink
No detail should be out of sync
x
And so it was that we were caught
In webs long spun from things long sought
I was spellbound, my soul drawn taut
Against such charms, no man has fought
x
For such a song, so sweet and pure
Sets up for man the perfect lure
Of one thing only he is sure
For his affliction, she's the cure
x
Within her fiction I am found
Her mourning melody resounds
Her mirage is my oasis
How I thirst for her simple kiss
x
Bewitched, I fall into the deep
The slumbering embrace of sleep
Into the inky darkness sinks
A soul seduced, a riddled sphinx
x
And as I drift into midnight
All dressed in light, my love takes flight
Within my dream we are a team
Beneath the white, the gold gleams bright
x
An eerie silence falls at last
And suddenly, I'm an outcast
Alone among these waters vast
And dream or not, this stark contrast
x
It overwhelms my soul so fast
It's like I've drowned but I'm not dead
Took refuge in events long past
From loneliness, forever fled
x
So when I woke to see her face
Relief replaced the deepest dread
And as her voice began to trace
Her dream of us, I lost the thread
x
"Wakey wakey sleepy head"
Something whispered into my ear
"You'll waste away laying in bed"
It said, preying upon my fear
x
But when I sought to rise and shine
I heard myself release a whine
Something was wrapped around my chest
And more and more firmly it pressed
x
Yet when I looked, nothing I bore
No hint of beak or fang or claw
And yet I felt a fiendish grip
Away from which I could not rip
x
I felt foul smoke enter my lungs
And suddenly, I'm speaking tongues
Into my cup, shadow does drip
Despite myself, I take a sip
x
Bliss blossoms through my body quick
Anxiety has fled the scene
I wonder if this is a trick
How can what's dirty feel so clean?
x
What was I worrying about?
I don't recall, although I'm keen
To drink as though I've been in drought
To lose myself in this smokescreen
x
The numb comforting lullaby
It silences the strongest cry
It neuters each and every why
It dulls the senses through a high
x
Not that, of course, I knew it then
It was a ghost wielding this pen
Even this piece of poetry
Is empty as an absentee
x
It only reaches fullness when
It's crystallized within our ken
Until that day it's but a dream
Where things are not quite as they seem
x
But every now and then I wake
To dimly see my life's at stake
But just as I begin to ache
There at my lips: a smoky snake
x
And suddenly, the world's obscure
I feel quite drunk, though I'm the drink
Of much, I am deeply unsure
But in my being lies a kink
x
This much I know because the twist
Is dissonant and painful too
Yet bliss erases through the mist
That something's wrong's my only clue
x
Yet it recurs, insistent cue
Until I start to listen close
A tiny voice warns me not to
Open my mouth to take my dose
x
Not to inhale the witch's brew
To breathe only the purest air
And ever inwardly it drew
My focus till I did not care
x
To hear her tune or meet her stare
Instead the wind did fill my ears
I felt myself transcend her snare
Rose up above stormcloud filled fears
x
I rode my breath as if a wave
Carried along my dim resolve
And gradu'lly, I became brave
Became more willing to evolve
x
I look towards the mystic light
For it alone might help me save
My sparks beset by psychic blight
Before I end up in the grave
x
To come up out of Plato's cave
Has always been an awful rite
To purify the soul, the knave
Must be brought into reach of sight
x
For this one needs the fiend's true name
To find this formula's the game
One seeks the demon's secret shame
With this in hand, one can then tame
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The shade and bind him to the sun
With one command, I make him lame
With wind I chain him to the one
By his own fears he is undone
x
My breath snuffs out his feeble flame
Who knows of what this leech became
Surely not I, for I've forgot
What role he played within my plot
x
He never was except that I
Composed him from a bitter sigh
And now that I yet need him not
He's ceased to be, my Lancelot
x
Yet she remains with eyes of grey
And now her tune is rushed and hot
A deep anger it does betray
And this reveals Mary's blind spot
x
The stones of power yonder lay
If one can cut the sonder knot
The threads of life begin to fray
The inky blood begins to clot
x
The wind whispered a secret word
And suddenly I knew myself
The call I heard, my soul it stirred
Placed Mary on a distant shelf
x
An old songbird who's long resigned
Herself to shadows intertwined
Will not admit that she's been blind
That from the start she's been maligned
x
I named the wind and bade him bind
Recalcitrant aspects of mind
The demon's spell thereby I broke
From deepest sleep my soul awoke
x
And suddenly, with horror, saw
The heart of she whose voice ensnared
My sight slipped through to touch her core
And there I learnt how poorly fared
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Those men who lost themselves to bliss
Who dreamt forever of a kiss
A kiss which never was to come
Such men, you see, all came undone
x
But I shall not meet such a fate
My destiny is no dictate
Of vampyre whim or suckling breast
This winding road is but a test
x
I will recall my sacred quest
Unlock, I will, my secret chest
From shady hands, away I'll wrest
The story with which I've been blessed
x
I gave it up as futile once
Gave in to fear's uncertainty
And chance revealed me as a dunce
Dumb dancing in absurdity
x
Yet echoes of eternity
Ring in my ears and through my chains
They hint at an emergency
Against itself, my being strains
x
My name is insinq, seeker-seer
And lightning flows within my veins
Pride is my sin, that much is clear
The shadow of these higher planes
x
If in my ear, a voice I hear
A subtle serpent might explain
With just the barest hint of sneer
How I alone could cleanse the stain
x
But I've outgrown such tricks my dear
I'll not fall for the face you feign
Towards my destiny I steer
To bend my ear, you try in vain
x
I seek the name of names, you see
And in this game, my strategy
Has been to search for an ally
And so my church became the sky
x
The breath of life, I seek to find
I thought to call the wind in kind
The Lord of land and sea and sand
And by his calling shadow-bind
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Through this, my flame I will reclaim
I will honour my sacred aim
I will remember who I am
I will fulfil my lifelong plan
x
I will rehearse the part I play
That of the universal man
Never again will I dare stray
From what is writ upon my clan
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To light some candles and to pray
To call forth inspiration fey
To dance with madness, magic may
Chance lose itself within wordplay
x
This song will fill all of my days
With every step, the light I praise
With every phase and every phrase
I will recall the master's blaze
x
I study nature's bosom best
I never blush when I stargaze
Her children are so finely dressed
Her many ways always amaze
x
I'm one who wonders at this land
Where sand and sea and sky all stand
To testify to meaning's hand
In unfolding designs so grand
x
The genius of existence lies
Beyond the boundaries of skies
Enclosing spheres of such small fries
As men who seek to stultify
x
The knowing deep and growing old
Of those more solemn than themselves
One learns to spot the toxic gold
The further into self one delves
x
And in this hall of mirrors hides
True secrets and treasures untold
Yet in the same matrix resides
The alchemy of hot and cold
x
These opposites conceal a lock
My curiosity's the guide
That leads me to a broken clock
Which comes and goes just like the tide
x
This pendulum swings to and fro
And to its motion I applied
The length and breadth of what I know
And in its movements so I spied
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A magic hidden to the world
A gift that only I could bring
A secret scroll not yet unfurled
A song that only I could sing
x
This is that song, so listen well
The only way to break her spell
Is simply love the cards you're played
The task for which your soul was made
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The lightning coursing through my veins
Perpetual breaking of chains
The phoenix and the dragon mate
Create a man of rarest fate
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That man is me, my subtle skill
With words marks me a nimble quill
An autodidact polymath
A man who walks a wand'ring path
x
An alchemist, poet and bard
A man of faith and strength of will
Loremaster whose task is to guard
The wisdom and never to spill
x
The secrets gleaned from deepest night
The strength won from conquering fright
The sacred flame which glows within
And burns away these webs you spin
x
My story calls out to my soul
Through it alone might I be whole
The resonance is loud and strong
This rock is not where I belong
x
To stop and sit, I see was wrong
To face the storm, suggests my song
To find the inner eye I must
To dreams and destiny entrust
x
My will and give up all my pow'r
Until the day, until the hour
When I can master my own heart
My body and my mind to start
x
For only then might I take part
Collaborate in sacred art
To co-create is my high task
For that purpose, I've learnt to ask
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Clever questions, crumb by crumb
I follow clues along the trail
And add them up, as sum by sum
And step by step I climb the scale
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T'wards the heaven of heaven
Along the chain of being great
The cosmic clock hath struck seven
Straight is the way, narrow the gate
x
In order to transcend my state
I must honour and then release
These weaknesses which are innate
These demons which disturb my peace
x
The Obscure Leech, he was my shield
He helped me cope when I would yield
He numbed my pain till I could heal
I used his dopiness to feel
x
Secure when things were looking grim
Relentlessly, he filled and filled
My cup right up unto the brim
With bliss which was from fear distilled
x
With stolen fire the leech did build
A habitat par excellence
A comfort-seeking stoner guild
A rut of doubtless eminence
x
The day is dire, I need it back
That knack for getting what I need
We're far astray, we're way off track
A fact which leads me back to weed
x
That Mary Jane called me off course
And caught me in her sticky trap
Enchanting Undercurrent source
In desp'rate harmonies does wrap
x
All those who drift across the rift
Into the fabled realm of fae
Don't be surprised if they shapeshift
Who walk betwixt the nighte and daye
x
MJ offered a fantasy
A conjuration of beauty
And all she asked was time well spent
Nights breathing in only her scent
x
Companionship, that's what she asked
A burning hunger though it masked
A day, two weeks, four months, eight years
What's time, to music of the spheres?
x
Where magic is a commonplace
And names are secrets closely kept
In this fae realm, all questions chase
The answer-seekers called adept
x
To stay for just a little while
She suggested with a sly smile
To sleep under alien stars
Forget the world that gave you scars
x
She seemed so lonely, as was I
I knew not that she was so sly
But for a time, she was my rock
The door at which I'd always knock
x
Eventually, I couldn't leave
I'd even lost the strength to weave
Her shady friend compressed my breath
Her dirty deal had summoned Death
x
But still she seemed so beautiful
Until I glimpsed the crucible
She's no longer inscrutable
I know that she's transmutable
x
Her double face I now divine
And so I see Harmonic Flow
This Mary Jane's my muse, my sign
And from her comes the true rainbow
x
I also spy Desp'rate Deceit
Who hopes to cause men to malign
And steal and rape and kill and cheat
So that they might yet call her 'mine'
x
And both make up Miss Mary Jane
The siren-song and cleansing rain
Each half makes up her faerie whole
Her heart burns bright, a glowing coal
x
She bears a gift, a rare present
Eternal now in which she lives
Living lesson, mystic crescent
An opportunity she gives
x
Each man to watch how he would strike
If none but he could see his act
A chance to learn what he is like
Not in his mind, instead in fact
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And this is why the man who's tracked
The arc which led him to her door
Is just the man to break the pact
That binds him to the trickster spore
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The lore, you see, it is the key
That unlocks all the secret ways
With wand of ash, ring of holly
I stalked the moon out of the maze
x
By following the golden thread
I'd lost so many nights ago
When from such loneliness I'd fled
That where I'd run to, none could know
x
But now I'm following the glow
That promises a golden dawn
And though the going's kind of slow
I meditate on what I've sworn
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A stormweaver in embryo
A magus not yet ascendent
A true believer dynamo
Disciple of the transcendent
x
A witness to the pouring out
The stemless flow banishing drought
Infinite light is pouring forth
The shadow's end comes from the North
x
The divine might calls me to fight
To set a siege against these walls
To take back what is mine by right
To lay my claim to hallowed halls
x
By blood and bone, through seeds long sown
I will obtain the fyrestone
Through sacrifice, iron and ice
I will master this nasty vice
x
The secret keeper of the known
Disciple of our Ceasur's throne
The weeper of the Taoist tear
The master of the mental sphere
x
An elemental avatar
A spear to pierce any veneer
A not-yet-forged yet shining star
Vessel, channel, seeker, seer
x
Lover, healer, namer, sealer
Honest feeler, secret dealer
Shadow tamer, spirit gamer
Wordsmith magic picture framer
x
Although the beauty of your voice
And of your face make simple choice
Despite these stirrings in the dark
I will not let you make my mark
x
Just another fading fragment
Leaking life and going stagnant
Instead my Legend rules supreme
You do not feature in the scheme
x
Of things according to my Lord
In fact, of you, I am quite bored
In this, my destiny will win
I will triumph against this sin
x
I thirst, it's true, but not for you
Instead I wish to taste the dew
The early morning sacred psalm
The firstborn sun's insightful charm
x
The sword wielded by righteous arm
The ford which lets us pass on through
The breath with which we voice alarm
The silent moments we accrue
x
So as I felt the first raindrop
Upon my lips a wave of calm
Washed through my soul and put a stop
To worries, it was like a balm
x
And in that stillness 'fore the storm
I smelt sweet perfume on the wind
And with it came a love so warm
I saw straight through and knew I'd sinned
x
And so it was that lost was found
That I uncovered hallowed ground
I strive that this become the norm
The nameless way, the soul of form
x
I swear by wind and light to search
Always for that forgotten church
I bind myself by oath to Truth
And to remembering my youth
x
When first I heard my story sung
I swore to be the perfect sleuth
To earn my tale, my silver tongue
Swore to recall my wisdom tooth
x
To recite always this refrain
To let my story wholly reign
To silence all the other noise
And leave me in an equipoise
x
And as my music starts to fade
Her call rings in my ears again
"Come back to me" sweetly she bade
Contagiously echoed the strain
x
That melody of fey design
Clutches the heart, enthrals the mind
The only antidote does fall
Within the all, that mirrored hall
x
Once long ago I heard the call
The thunder rumbled through my bones
A storm did brew beyond the walls
It came to plunder sand and stone
x
If only that poor storm had known
That in this I am not alone
Despite the length of time I stall
At the end of it all, I remain standing tall
x
I hope you enjoyed this epic poem about my struggles with the deadly duo, the siren Mary Jane and the demon Oblivion. If you are interested in learning more about the story told within this poem, you can find the rest of the story here.
About the Creator
Insinq Datum
I'm an aspiring poet, author and philosopher. I run a 5000+ debating community on Discord and a couple of Youtube channels, one related to the Discord server and one related to my work as a philosopher. I am also the author of DMTheory.
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