Redamancy

Tears rolling. Why do my feelings and thoughts have so much conflict? I’m a badass, but I’m so fucking lonely. I’m a warrior fighting battles and winning, but I’m nothing to anyone else.

I should be laughing and living my best life, but I crave attention and someone by my side. Why am I like this? Why can’t I be happy sleeping alone?

Even when I try to make my own happiness something is always missing. Is there anyone who can see me for who I really am? Someone who gives a shit to stick around even when it’s hard? Someone who doesn’t get bored and throw me aside like an old toy?

I just want to have that sing your favourite song at the top of your lungs in the car kind of passion. That string lights on a rooftop, candle lit dinner kind of effort. That cant get you off my mind, do anything to see you smile kind of love.

Is that as pathetic as it sounds? Why does my soul want one thing and my mind tell me it’s never going to happen for me? I should be strong enough to never fall for the fairytales. But somehow no matter how hard I try I still long for someone to joke with, cuddles and morning kisses, deep conversations and real intimacy.

A heart that was once so giving, now covered in layers of ice. Guarded yet yearning to break free. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a damsel in distress, I don’t need to be rescued. I’m just a princess with a sword waiting for a knight to fight beside me. Someone worth being vulnerable with.