Red Lipstick

I saw you from across the way.

We locked eyes, just for a moment, no more, no less.

I looked down and smiled. When I looked up, you were gone.

My chest felt a little heavier but regardless, I continued my reading. The wind blew as if saying hello, and a few leaves fell down from the tree I was sitting under. The sun shining through the branches warmed my face like the greeting of an old friend.

The words on the pages started to blur as my mind started to wander, I looked up at the sky, gazing at the clouds. I saw myself atop a cloud, viewing the world below me, seeing how small my problems seemed from so far above.

I saw myself in the heavens, I was soaring, I felt alive, I felt free, truly free.

This was a feeling I could relish in until the end of time, a feeling I don't experience often.

I spotted a woman during my journey in the heavens, she looked like you, the woman whom I had made eye contact with mere moments before I began drifting. I walked towards you but, I could not reach you, for the more I walked towards you the farther away you seemed. I ended my futile pursuit towards you and walked towards the shimmer of the sun.

You appeared again, this time much closer. I studied you for a minute. We look the exact same, except for one thing. I found it rather odd, you were wearing red lipstick.

Oh, wearing red lipstick, what a mad as a march hare thing to do! How I wish to have the confidence to wear a color such as bold as red. I never could wear red lipstick, it reminds me of Susan B. Anthony and the suffragettes, I am no where near as courageous or strong as them.

I do not have the bravery like they did, I do not have the zest for life that a woman wearing red lipstick has or the fierceness. I do not know myself the way that women who wear the shade must.

I was confused, for this version of myself dawned the hue beautifully, as if it was made just for them. This version of me is foreign, I don't know who she is. She's glowing, she looks free, unbound from the chains of self-doubt and demons in her head. I want to be her, more than anything.

A large gust of wind brought me back down to earth by sending a chill down my spine. More leaves fell down to affirm that I was sitting under the same tree as before. The wind had picked up significantly since I had begun my time in the clouds and I decided to continue my journey on foot opposed to the skies. On my travels, I passed a small cosmetics shop and wandered in.

The kind lady at the counter asked me what I was looking for and, remembering that version of me in the clouds, asked for her to point me in the direction of red lipstick.

I bought a red lipstick and I was giddy with joy.

When I got home, I put in a drawer, never intending to wear it. I wasn't the me in the clouds.

Not yet.

That lipstick will be in my drawer until I can look in the mirror and be happy at the woman staring back at me. Until I am free.

When I am free, the lipstick will be there for me.