PSA Issued by The Department of Unreasonable Loyalty

Attention residents, bystanders, and anyone who once said

“This is our year” without laughing afterward:

This is a warning.

This is not a drill.

This is not a rebuild year.

(This is always a rebuild year.)

BE ADVISED:

Becoming a Buffalo Bills fan may occur through inheritance,

geography, marriage, peer pressure,

or one promising season that ends

educationally.

Symptoms may include:

• Elevated heart rate every Sunday at 1:00 p.m.

• An irrational faith in statistics, weather patterns, and destiny

• Referring to grown men as “we”

• Emotional resilience paired with catastrophic optimism

Extended exposure may cause you to say things like:

“They just need one more piece,”

or

“If the wind had shifted,”

or

“Next year is different.”

WARNING:

Hope must be handled responsibly.

Unregulated hope has been linked to

missed field goals,

overtime trauma,

and sudden silence at family gatherings.

Do not attempt to leave.

Past attempts have resulted in guilt, relapse,

and sneaking glances at the score “just to check.”

Important Safety Information:

• Snow is not an obstacle. It is a personality.

• The parking lot is sacred ground.

• Pain builds character. Character builds nothing measurable.

If you experience joy lasting longer than one quarter,

remain calm.

This may be followed by disappointment, confusion,

or a referee explanation you will not agree with.

In case of postseason appearance:

Brace yourself.

Tell no one.

Do not make plans.

Remember:

This condition is lifelong, non-transferable,

and deeply communal.

There is no cure.

There is only loyalty, folding tables,

and the belief that suffering together

somehow counts as winning.

Thank you for your attention.

Go Bills.