Poems for my sister, vol. 1

The Circus

Skinny, wiry, strong,

A neon pink two-piece with tassles and beads adorning it

She hung upside down from the monkey bars

I'm a trapeze girl!

I'm swinging to you!

Catch me!

Her brown skin tanned, brown eyes sparkling behind lashes,

Limbs tucked and purposeful

As she picked up momentum

Then simply let go, arms spread, free as a sparrow

Snails

The snails

They came in the spring,

coiled, pastel spirals, hidden slugs

I stomped my pink sneaker on one

The crunch was potato chips, cracking,

when a fist closes tightly on them

The snail obliterated under my rubber sole

Her voice, running from the lawn,

No no no no no

You hurt it!

The sharp angles of her little face,

bowed toward the pavement,

the sadness for the sudden death of that snail

the regret at being too late

the worry that it felt something

the acceptance of it being gone

the compassion for another little life

who also had no chance at escaping,

all readable on my sister in under one minute

Her fingers touching my arm

It's okay, Salena, that's okay, that's okay

The quiet, soothing chant we would say to each other

when it wasn't.

I never killed a snail again,

the best I could do

she went on to save thousands

Homework

She carried her folder home from preschool

in the Barney backpack, purple, green, anger

I found her in the tomato garden, eating the cherry tomatoes

Each one plucked, her cheek a chipmunk pocket

breaking the one-at-a-time, no-choking rule

How come you're so mad

I ask her

James said he has a crush on me and I hate him

she spoke of the chubby Mexican boy with the black mullet

with pure, dark, preschooler venom

his mouth a curse-word to her

That's not a bad thing,

how come you hate him,

I ask her

I don't know!

she screams

I don't know!

It would be decades before we learned

that everything normal just wasn't for us

that everything cute would be revolting

that any small hint,

small whiff on the breeze,

of being loved, liked, admired

would repel us, send us careening away

danger, danger, danger

our minds would roar

flee. or fight. flee. or flight.