Outside

I was so long

Alone, I was

So fine by

Myself, could be

Okay with no one else

And then you burst

Into my life like

A flame, a flood

And I

Started to get used

To the idea

That I was important,

That I mattered,

Not for what I could

Do, but who I am

As a person,

A part of a

Family

Who values me,

Finally.

Now you're gone,

So far away (again)

And I wonder

If you still want

Me in your life.

Why would you,

When you have everything

You could need

Right there with you?

I can't say

Why I'm so sad

To anyone, can't tell them

Why my heart is

Breaking, why I'm

Taking your absence

So

Hard…

No, I wasn't happy

Before, but I knew

How to be,

What to do

On my own

I was functioning;

Maybe I wasn't living but

I was alive,

And now I'm ripped

In two

Without you,

I can only distract

From what I'm missing.

I really do hope

You're having a wonderful time,

But I am

Hurting.

I was starting to get

Comfortable, confident

In us,

But now I'm afraid

You'll decide

To end things–

Which, honestly

Would end me,

(at least, this person

I am becoming).

And the pain is physical,

And I don't know

How I'll handle

Another two weeks.

I feel more

On the outside than

Ever as I see

You smiling together

While I'm still

Over here.

I know you'll be back,

But will we be

The same?

Or will you have

Realized how

Extraneous I am.

I try to reframe it,

Tell myself how

Wonderful it is

To have someone to miss

So deeply, someone whom

(I hope)

Also misses me,

But, oh God…

My stupid heart!