Our Special Secret

At five years old He told me I was a pretty girl just like my mama,

Except I was pure, innocent, and sweet - without all of the drama.

He promised that every time he baby-sat me I would never have to lay down and take a nap.

He said all I have to do is wait until the others were asleep and come sit on his lap.

I was so excited to play the game the first few times around.

He sat me on his lap and tickled me, then He bounced me up and down.

He wanted to know if I was having fun. I tried to say yes, but I was laughing so hard I could barely speak it.

He said the fun game must stay between me and him. It was our special secret.

The next time I was at his house, I couldn't wait for everyone to go to sleep so we could play our game.

But I didn't like the game this time..... It wasn't the same.

He took me in his bedroom so we were far away from everyone.

He told me if we took our pants off this time it would be more fun.

He took mine off first. I will never forget how uncomfortable I felt when He was looking at me.

I wanted to put my pants back on because Mommy said everything under my clothes is my privacy.

He started to tickle me again, but this time He tickled me everywhere.

I was laughing at first, but it wasn't funny anymore when He tickled me down there.

This time when He bounced me it was way too hard. It had ever hurt this bad!

When the game was over, I knew something was wrong. I wasn't sure what it was, but it made me feel sad.

When I got home that day I was in a lot of pain, but I pretended to be happy so Mommy wouldn't see.

I was too afraid to tell her my privacy was sore and it hurts when I pee.

The next time Mommy wanted to go out with her friends I begged her to stay.

She laughed and told me I will be alright, and took me to His house anyway.

Everyone liked him and always said He was such a good father.

But then he stopped playing the game with me and started playing with his daughter.

For years I was held hostage by pain and guilt. I was sick of holding this truth but still decided not to speak it.

But I never truly found peace of heart and mind until I let it all out. Our Special Secret.