Oops, Did I Say That Out Loud?

I saw your new haircut, it’s... bold,

Like a mop that’s been left out in the cold.

I smiled and said, “It’s really chic,”

But my brain screamed, “It looks antique!”

Your baby’s cute, I swear that’s true,

But why’s it staring like it knows kung fu?

I cooed and said, “What lovely eyes,”

While thinking, “Is it plotting my demise?”

Your cooking smells like something died,

But I took a bite and almost cried.

I said, “Mmm, such depth of flavor!”

While praying for a stomach savior.

You told a joke, I gave a laugh,

Though it split my soul in half.

I said, “You should be on TV!”

But meant, “On mute, preferably.”

Your dog just licked my sandwich bun,

You said, “He’s friendly!” I said, “Fun!”

But deep inside, I mourned my lunch,

And cursed that slobbery little munch.

I love your singing — in the shower.

It has... a certain primal power.

I said, “You’ve got a voice, no doubt,”

But meant, “It makes my ears tap out.”

So here’s to thoughts we never share,

That float around but stay up there.

For if we spoke them, loud and proud,

We’d be banned from every crowd!