One Night

One Night

That’s all we seem to get and somehow it changes everything.

That first summer night.

You stood at the edge of the dance floor.

Agitated and waiting for something that you didn’t seem to want.

I couldn’t help myself so I walked up and asked you to dance.

Your face seemed to soften and you let me take your hand and lead you out on the floor.

I know I was sloppy. Drunkenly laughing and crashing into your arms at every spin. I was happy to be so close to you.

Do you know how beautiful you are or how wonderful it is to be around you?

We talked about everything. Your life in the city and the girl you were missing, my life in the prairies and the boy who held my heart.

But there was an attraction there, which is why we both remember the encounter, even a year and a half later.

By the grace of God, we got one more night.

This time in cold December.

Funny how we weren’t cold to each other at all, conversation flowed naturally and I was surprised to notice you were nervous to be around me at first.

It made me laugh because you’re the intimidatingly beautiful one.

Candle lit dinner and bourbon.

Wrestling and singing to each other.

Sharing stories of the saddest times in our past and then reading the poems we try to live our lives by.

It was incredibly special; my perfect night.

~~~~~~

Then we had to say goodbye. And I didn’t hear from you again.

So I clung on to the idea of that night, of the feelings you must have felt for me.

I tried harder, to make up for your lack of effort and subsequent interest.

This approach was completely out of character for me and of course, was the worst course of action to take with you.

Our communication became scarce and I felt more and more desperate for your attention.

It was sick and I started to hate myself for it. But still, I kept trying for that one more night.

Not too much time after, an opportunity presented itself.

I tried to play it off all cool and casual,

“oh I’m just in town this weekend. We should visit if you’re free.”

You saw right through that - knew that I was attached and just wanted to see you.

So you did the typical guy thing -strung me along and then let me down abruptly.

Like a toddler with a toy when something new is brought out.

I was hurt and picked up a groomsman to satiate my battered ego. It didn’t help and I ended up acting like that toddler.

I knew I had to let you go but I couldn’t do. Not yet anyway.. You didn’t seem to want to let me..

All those frigging baby animal videos. Why did you do that to me?! Who knew the cutest forms of mindless entertainment could be a form of psychological torture.

I tried to ignore you and add distraction after distraction. You seemed to let up.

Maybe I was just becoming cold.

Unfortunately, by this point you were hoping for “one night” -but not the starry-eyed magic that I had hoped for. There would be nothing celestial about the way you wanted our bodies to crash into each other.

As much as I loved your attention, I was horrified that you let yourself become just like the rest of them. Just another guy trying to get his dick wet and I was disappointed in you for that. I thought we had something more. Guess not. But I guess it was my own fault for taking things too fast.

I hardened my heart and got smart. I decided to make myself human to you -more than a warm blow-up doll. My approach was calculated but it worked.

Oh the games we play!

Recently, I went for the money shot. The big “this is definitely gonna get him” action. It was relatively small but heartfelt and I knew I’d been a fool. I didn’t harden my heart at all, I just decided to ignore it, which is why this small act of kindness felt so necessary and right. I felt alive and happy.

Just as I suspected, it did get to you. More than you’d probably admit but you were very appreciative.

I smile because I know you still want the one night of inhibitions but quite possibly have a warm spot for me on that dark moon heart of yours. While I may be a little less starry-eyed about things now, I still hold out hope that perhaps the universe could be ours.

We just need one more night to find out.