On My Hill

On this grassy hill I sit and write

I write about the memories that I experienced here

I used to come here to contemplate my life

Only to find more questions than answers

Here I sit once more remembering

The resentments I felt so deeply

I felt cheated

By friends, family and by life

I remember my affections being turned down

And watching her affections go to another man

A man I thought was my friend

Truth is he was my friend

It was my envy that turned my tongue venomous

I could never be happy for another who got what I wanted

But not what I needed or deserved

How many years, months did I waste

Holding on to seething pain

Pain that burned a hole in my heart

While they moved forward in their lives

My own choices were always my undoing

Blaming others is easy

Finding out you were the one to blame is a

much harder pill to swallow

I am reminded daily the karmic energy I used to put out

I strive to only put out healing energy now

The world has enough chaotic karma

I’ve had enough of the chaos.