$NSAN: Bark Bark Woof Woof

Hello, you little deviant. How are you today? Hopefully, you're doing as well as I would wish and as much as you desire. I thought it would be appropriate to bestow something nice upon you, like some mental stimulation. I know you could use a change of pace since you're so hard at work doing the good deeds of our shining Prince. I wanted to let you know that I think you're doing amazing. The dedication and devotion you have to such a cause and to yourself should be rewarded with praise and appreciation. In fact, you of all people know how easy it is to feed you your daily treat of a nice "bark bark, woof woof," but to take the time to write to you about how you're deserving of intellectual intimacy means so much more. In all honesty, I have actually been meaning to send you this message for a while, but conquering each other is just too much fun, it seems. Even so, it saddens me to let you know that Papa can't give you "bark bark, woof woof" any longer for the time being. Papa Bear has been giving away too many of his lucky lamp rubs, and it's starting to become a detriment. So, you're going to have to just enjoy what I give you unless you make a deposit at Pleasure Bank: Me O'clock. Consider this an investment in a relationship with an ROI of "it feels like I've known you forever, and you always know what to say." Delightful, isn't it? You know, in times of war and conflict, men would send messages to their lovers from encampments they'd made in unmarked territory in the wilderness just before taking to the battlefield. Hmm, I guess those soldiers and commanders were a bit homeless, but at least they lived in the hearts and minds of their one and only. Patiently, they awaited their return from the sacrifice of defending the homeland. Tell me, what are you willing to sacrifice for me to return to your house so I can redecorate it? How bad do you want me to repaint the walls for you? What can I break that doesn't need fixing? How much do you actually love me? And are you worth returning to while I face my last days on the battlefield after many sleepless and showerless nights, all in the name of protecting the homeland and the future that awaits us? Well, are you? Now, tell me why you believe you deserve Nirvana and much more than that from me. Anyone can lay with you, but how many will take the time to captivate and stimulate your entirety? Think about that while you wait patiently. Bark bark, woof woof. Who's a good girl, and who's a good boy? Talk to you later.