Nothing But...

I am struggling. You are not responsible. You did nothing. This is all on me.

I am neither whining nor complaining. I am realistically trying to figure this out.

I do not wish to burden you with my overwhelming questions or feelings.

I am writing in the hopes that I will find my own answers and my own clarity.

I know that I started this and it was not what you were looking for.

I realize that you do not know what you want or what will make you happy.

I realize that you, yourself are struggling to try to figure out what will.

I realize that you are grappling with putting yourself before ones you love.

I know that you want more... to learn, grow, and experience all that you can.

I know that you have dreams, a heart's desire. I hope that it works out for you.

I am 50 years old. For the most part I have lived my life and made my decisions.

I am at a different place in life where I think I know what might make me happy.

I have chosen those things... adventures, Buggs, reaching goals, writing, and you.

I stumbled upon you by accident. It was your sarcastic remark that drew me in.

It was your caring heart, sharp wit, and intellect that excited me to know more.

The way that you treated me, giving me precious gifts of yourself and your time.

You showed me that you were worthy of my time, gifts, heart... and being chosen.

I am full of feelings that have built over time. I do not know what to do with them.

I am curious and full of questions and things that I want to know.

I am spinning my wheels and want to stop. I need relief, rest, and peace.

I have been in similar situations and the last thing I wanted was to be pestered.

I did not want to be questioned about things that I, myself did not even know.

I realize that since these things exist, I really need to hold myself in check.

I realize that because I do care, I have to fight against every urge to ask or tell.

I realize that if I want to show you that you are valued, I need to just be.

I feel like maybe I am fooling myself by thinking that there could ever be more.

I feel like maybe I should back off, give you space, and shut these feelings down.

I feel like maybe you might be happier with less from me, and only friendship.

I feel like maybe you would just like me to find someone else to want to love.

I do not want to keep you from anyone or anything else that you may really want.

I do not want you to miss out on opportunities that may fulfill you.

I want the very best for you in all things. I want you to feel and to be your best.

I hope you know that no matter what happens, you will always be chosen by me and you will always be loved by me.