Note to Self

Finding love at a young age is hard

Because you will find yourself

With new pleasures more often than you wish,

And the things that could be

Will haunt you even in your best days.

Remember this: there are irreplaceable things

That you have found in the arms of love,

Because you can replace his kisses with someone else’s,

His hands with other hands,

His smell with other smells,

His bed with another one,

His sex, with the pathetic need of Fuckdom in a stranger.

You can replace every single material and physical thing about him that you love,

But you can’t replace the love.

Because you never feel the same way twice.

You never find home in two different arms.

No, you won’t be able to get naked and feel sexy

With just anyone, trust me he is your home.

You cannot expect a different tree to give you the same apples,

And the flowers won’t bloom the same from a different garden.

You fell in love with a feeling not just a person and that marks the difference.

Every morning wake up and tell yourself this: “I love myself enough to love him back.”

Trust him, trust that he will take you there.

Trust that when you need him the most he will be there,

And let him know that you trust him,

Let him feel wanted and needed.

Don’t waste your youngful love trying to please the standard,

The house, the kids, and the cars will come.

LIVE, live your life with your lover

In a small apartment with barely enough.

Enjoy waking up in his arms, falling asleep with his hands on your back,

Because that is what matters.

Everything material and physical you can get rid of,

What you can’t get rid of, are the memories,

So make sure the good is always more

Than the bad.

Because there will be bad,

And that is normal,

He will hurt you and you will hurt him.

There will be days when you want to scream out that you love him, and there will be days when you will want to plan his funeral.

That is love, the rage, the Fuck ups, the sleepless nights, the doubts, the words you didn’t mean to say but still said.

The tears, from pain and from joy.

Just remember that at the end of the day,

his arms have always been the ones to hold you while you cry,

To keep you from falling to deep into the complex puzzle of your mind.

In the end he loves you,

And you love him,

It is as simple and as complicated as that.