She looked and me and said you are unaware.
I was hoping she would notice that cuz I truly just don't care.
I hope she would notice the blank stare.
She did and asked me how I could just sit without a reaction?
Telling me how I need to take action.
and my unworried desire to fix what I have done, she says how could you just sit there and do nothing.
She doesnt know I have gone numb.
She told me I should be uncomfortable with myself
Yet I am everyday, that I learned if i don't move I dont feel the pain
It's like a rug burn you can easily forget if its untouched and not moved
I have no use for you.
So you begin to scare me straight and how I'll never succeed.
Yet college doesnt convince me.
My motivation has either gone low.
Or maybe you just dont know.
You don't know my motivations.
Or more so you dont know me
You dont know my possibilities
You want the best for me, but you don't know what's best for me.
I love you...mom
And I'm trying to find the ways to make you proud. But over the years its gotten lost in broken communication.
I heard if your parent says they're proud it is somewhat part that says you have shown something to prove you did something better than them.
But were not the same person.
So I'll continue to make my mistakes that were different from yours and moments that were good that will still get ignored.
I was hoping you could notice my good.
I was hoping you'd notice that I try, even at my worst.
I was hoping you'd see my progress.