Not for Sainthood

If I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then

Perhaps would be a happier when

If I did know then what I do know now

I’d have still screwed it up .. somehow

Being human we have our ways

Of screwing up the best of days

We seek knowledge with no clear goal

Often leading to a bleak dark hole

Still, knowledge sought is a valid pursuit

It brought us up from beasts hirsute

To a civilization of relative great height

Which we too often use to spread strife and spite

Still, we have art, music, literature, poetry

Hopefully enough prayers said over a rosary

Slowly we are moving past bigotry and racism

But always some are bent to sadism

However... I started this as a personal thing

About my own inability to learn which bell to ring

My old self knows things I once did not

Some good, some bad, many unsought

I know more of love... but also of hate

I know more of desire ... too much of fate

Much knowledge came from books and school

Other came from a willingness to be a fool

My spouse, children, family, enemies, friends

All have taught me to various ends

As a child I was filled with the wish to grow, to know

Now I only wish a fertile field to sew

Am I happier now? Sometimes I suppose

There are days I can just smell the vaunted rose

But the more I learn, the more I wonder

If humanity itself may be the biggest blunder

Like all the others I can but try my best

Putting my vaunted humanity to the test

As I hope you shall, I will try to be a light in the forest

Doing my small good where it may warrant

I shall seek knowledge, but also restraint

Knowing full well I am surely no saint