Nostalgia

It was one of those days today that I thought about you?

It was bizarre

like, I thought about our moments

and the times we wondered of the future

and I realized you've probably forgotten everything

but then I realized how well I got to know you in such little time

and that made me realize that

you. probably. do. think. of. me. too.

In stutters I talked in words that didn't belong with each other

as I reimagined the nights we spent together

and the chemistry we had

and the stress of first and second and third dates as

each one got friendlier and more comfortable

and the day I realized it was time we ended something

that hadn't even started yet.

and now I wonder what you're doing

and reimagine moments we had

but what is this feeling if it isn't love?

it isn't love because I think about being back with you

and I don't miss it

I think about texting with you again

and having all that drama again with you

and I don't. miss it.

and I was curious today to see

what had been the last normal conversation between

you and

me.

and going through the chats made me realize

that this isn't love

it's only blank, bare, bony nostalgia.

white, insincere, crippling nostalgia of

having someone there

and talking with someone real

and sharing conversations

that mean something.

but right now

I'm happy being away from such a toxic relationship

and I hate to admit it to you but

this wasn't love—

and I still don't know exactly what it was

that made me still talk to you after

the separation—

but all I know is that a part of it

is nostalgia

and the rest of it I still don't know.