New Shade of Blue

We now in 2021 live in a world of vibrant color. A world where you can be anything or anyone you choose to be. A world that finally recognizes and respects you and me.

We have a voice in this beautiful emblazon that is our vivacious new existence. Every color of the rainbow is now valued by the masses LGBT and Q. This world hasn't always been welcoming or accepting of you and me. Not when I was born in the year 1973.

In my youth the color of my soul was Black, even darker than my skin. No one to share my feelings with, neither friend nor kin. An understanding of me would not be until the year 1993. Childhood, adolescence and early adulthood were filled with confusion, shame and misinformation from those I trusted most. “No son of mine is gonna be...” my Papa would say but I just wanted to be me, whatever that might be.

I saw clues in my great uncle but his influence would remain at a distance, a limited example purposely kept from my eye's sight. Alone, suffering in silence, defining my life's plight.

In my twentieth year things became more clear, opening my eyes to what many deemed a “lifestyle” but I saw as my existence. That color inside being turned from Black to Blue, not satisfying yet it felt more true. I became Blue because I understood more of me but still did not know you.

Not free to truly love me for me and all of the beautiful things I could be. I saw the rainbow in my heart but to make it visible to the world would cause me pain and loss so I kept those gloriously gorgeous colors hidden deep within me. Black and Blue, emotionally beat up inside, bruised, scarred, old wounds and new. No healing, just more pain and despair living a life in darkness, unclear.

Ashamed of being ashamed, loathing of self to please, pretending to be what they wanted me to be. Assumptive whispers, accusations of malice escaped the lips of blood.

No one hurt me more than them and no one ever will. Alone in my inequity, unable to love me at age of forty-three; this world I wanted to flee. Then there was the Blue that set me free. That hue of Blue so true was in the eyes of the one who would finally set me free of my misery.

When my Browns met those Blues my Blues fled my life and all of the other majestic colors and sub colors became vibrantly visible to me. I came out of emotional hiding and joined my new FAMILY fighting for the same cause and the freedom to live my best life as me, the true me, the me I always wanted to be. Love did that, offering light, now I see. Love allowed me to love me and finally I could be!

You filled me with you and now the PRIDE I feel is new. My Black and Blue transformed to Sky Blue. Love I feel for you is eternally true because there is no me without you my...

New Shade of Blue.