New mother emerging - Postpartum blues

When I dreamt of becoming a mother, the dream was a beautiful, soft and … perhaps an easier time?

Reality is that motherhood is brutal. A coming of age. It’s breaking you down and building you up.

New mother emerging. Fragile, yet the strongest you’ve ever been.

When I dreamt of birth, I dreamed of painful toil and a beautiful moment with my baby.

Reality is that for some women it’s not. Birth trauma is real. The pain and the shame. Why couldn’t I do it. All the time, all the preparations and it still broke me. Self love and forgiveness.

When I dreamt of the perfect relationship, it was blissful, no pain.

Reality is that men struggle too. Perhaps their own postpartum blues. Communication is hard but speaking is key. The key to the blissfullness pain free.

When reality came crashing in like a tsunami. I was left naked bare and struggling.

The dreams were not reality and the depth of my sinking ship had reached the titanic. At the bottom of the sea. Locked up and hidden for an eternity.

I lay there longing for the dreams to be true but they are dreams that lie down there in the deep blue.

Now don’t be dismayed I’m glad that I’m here, I love my baby and her daddy up there, sailing on the glassy sea. It seems effortless for them.

Down here in the doldrums, it’s cold with dispair. So lift your head up and try not to care. Swim to the top and start to tread.

That’s it you can breathe, with your head up there. It’s sink or swim. Pep talks in the morning, with black rings under eyes. Coffee today. You will be okay.

The reality of motherhood is sometimes just that, a dreamt up dream. It’s tough it’s hard. Your going to cry. Speak up muma.

The past. Postpartum blues.