My Holidays

I always was the one trying to make the holidays magical, but my magic died after years of never doing enough.

There were moments of memories that I cherish dearly but are still tainted with the aftermath of tears.

I tried to find the joy in the simplest things as I grew older.

The smell of all the food I made,

the thoughts of giving all the presents I picked for everyone,

and hoping that this year would be a better year.

The hoping part was always the hardest pill to swallow when I lost count of all the tears I shed.

The holidays were supposed to be a beautiful time,

but every year I dread them knowing that I will have to put on my best performance ever. I shouldn't have to play pretend on what is the "most wonderful time of the year", but that is my reality.

Or was.

I am finding my new magic with people who want to be part of it.

I am finding the light that the holidays are supposed to bring.

Maybe, this is my chance to be reborn,

renewed,

restored.

My holidays weren't always something to look forward to before, but with every sunset and sunrise brings about a new day.

My new days will become new holiday traditions and I am so ready for new beginnings.