My Heart Breaks

My heart breaks

A little more and a little less each day.

Today it is breaking a lot.

I remember your smile.

Your kiss.

The way you seemed to fit me so well.

I remember the good.

The bad feels so distant

Yet it is there on my shoulder

Like my conscience

Reminding me of how…

Of how we tore each other apart,

Sucked each other’s energy,

Yet it did nothing to nourish.

I think of poetry and prose,

Of an epic, story-worthy love.

The kind that transcends the problems of the heart,

The kind that defeats demons together

Side by side.

I thought we had that love

But we didn’t.

Ours was ordinary,

A mix of chemicals

Gone wrong.

Just your everyday tale of heartbreak.

Of something that almost sparked

And didn’t.

Couldn't.

Wouldn't.

We did not overcome.

We destroyed

The very things we said we love:

Each other.

Do you love me still?

Nah. Why would you?

Of course, you do.

I love you, too.

Despite it all.

Through all the demon battles.

Through all the sleepless nights.

Through all the shame, guilt, anxiety,

Not knowing what to do or how to love you right.

Not realizing it was me I should have loved all along.

I loved you through it all.

And so today my heart breaks

As it reaches out to you.

And reaches into

Nothingness.

Today I mourn.

Tomorrow, I will pick myself up and move on.

I will be strong.

For me,

For you,

For everyone I love.

I will allow the hurt to run its course.

I will allow myself to feel the loss.

I will not be destroyed.

I will let go.

I am strong.

Beaten down,

Not broken.

I will grow,

Remember you for who you are,

And release you to your own healing,

To happiness,

To freedom.

You are free.

My heart breaks

A little less each day.

Today it is breaking a lot.

Tomorrow I will remember the pain.

Tomorrow I will remember the lies.

And I will have the strength to love myself

And let you go.