My First Breakup: An Explanation

My first break-up: an explanation.

I’ve been trying not to make excuses,

See, I’m a little broken,

A little, rough around the edges,

Like an unfinished birdhouse

But there’s already fluttering wings making themselves comfortable inside.

There is no comfort inside.

Perhaps I’m too young to understand the full scope of this,

I know I’m too young to be feeling this.

I wonder if everyone I meet knows,

can they see it written on my face?

Saying it out loud is too difficult, even now.

This is proof positive you really can die from a broken heart.

It only took me six pills to realise, you cannot leave yourself.

When you’re with someone you do not love, you should leave them,

I tried to leave,

One night in the hospital, but I still haven’t recovered.

I think about it sometimes,

Abstract, dreams, off-hand.

Never with the lights on,

Never where anyone can see,

I am ashamed of this relationship.

Ashamed that I tried to leave,

Ashamed that I keep coming back.

I don't remember taking a ring,

Making a lifetime commitment

And yet, here we are.

I know I’ll never be rid of you,

I have tried.

I am tired of this battle,

Tired of a war I can never win,

Because you cannot win a fight against yourself.