My Fear

Stop it, s-stop it!

Please leave me be.

I beg of you!

I don't want to live a life of eternal torture...

...or suffering.

I just want to be...

...happy...

***

Where do I start?

This is so hard to say...

Everyone I've known in school,

Establishing love and whatnot.

Then there's me...

***

Yeah, sure, I've had my fair share of love,

Like any "normal" person...

But my past has scarred me for the worst,

I won't shame, but because of him...

I realize something about myself.

I cannot commit to love or anything,

Otherwise known as noncommital.

***

Why?

Why am I like this?

Because of my past...

I'm afraid...

I don't want to hurt someone I care for too much,

All because I go into a mechanism,

A previous experience has taught me.

***

As a result...

I stay quiet.

I lurk into the shadows.

I try to be as weird as possible,

So that I don't have to deal with love.

I'd rather suffer alone,

This is my own trauma that I have to deal with.

Eternally, I will always be broken,

It cannot be mended.

***

My future...

I see eternal loneliness...

They won't understand...

Why I would leave without a trace...

It's only to protect you...

I don't want to hurt anyone I love.

***

I'm not a monster...

...Like some people are to me.

I give more than I take,

And many times...

...I get taken advantage of.

Though, whether it's my childish appearance,

Or my personality,

I cannot say the reason why.

--- About this poem: ---

- Originally, I wasn't going to post this. I don't particularly like to express myself and have people feeling sorry for me.

- Whenever I get a slight glimmer of happiness, it ends up being swallowed down into a broken memory that will forever haunt me.