My Fault, Not Yours
The death of a friendship
it was my fault, not yours
that i grew to hate you
hate is a strong word
but it’s not as strong as what we had
between us was something indescribable
something like hunger deep in our bellies
like summer sweat down our faces and backs
like the splash of our bodies into your pool
like the feel of my back on your blow-up raft
as we floated and stared up into the sun
you were fearless
and i was fearful, but not with you
i was distracted with you
from all my worries
and all my failures
we used to galavant down the street
with interlocked hands
and laugh and scream and run
and even though i wasn’t fast like you
i was able to keep up
because i wanted you to be proud of me
now all i want
is to never see you again
i’m sorry for killing us
surely it was me
growing apart isn’t new to me
you tried at first, i never did
i was distracted
and i was so suddenly
so painfully jealous
of everything you had that i didn’t
of your goodness, your light
of your spark
to my dull, endless glow
what connected us was
something like the smell of your favorite candle
vanilla lime
in your house
that i pass every day
and can’t spare a glance at
for fear that i’ll see you
and what i’ve done to us
can it be called anything but hate
that i killed us in my mind?
i don’t think it can
because it was something like my girlhood
and yours
glowing in your kitchen and on my porch
in your pool and in my yard
in your room and mine
in your sister and mine
in your love and in my obedience
that i crushed in my hand
and it cracked and shattered
like it had never existed at all
About the Creator
angela hepworth
Hello! I’m Angela and I love writing fiction—sometimes poetry if I’m feeling frisky. I delve into the dark, the sad, the silly, the sexy, and the stupid. Come check me out!
Comments (1)
This is heart-wrenching; beautiful and relatable.