My Anxiety Diary #1

I've been struggling lately with my mental health and I'm wondering when this dark cloud is going to dissipate in order for me to feel okay again.

I don't know where to go.

All my life I've felt alienated, different, and alone.

All I wanted was to be accepted, understood, and loved for being who I am on the inside.

People tend to find my constant chattering a problem when I'm just being myself.

You should take it as a compliment if I talk so much around you.... That means I feel comfortable enough to be myself and to show my vulnerable side. How is that such a hard thing to read or to see? I'm not braille or an exotic language! I wear my emotions on my sleeve because it's hard for me hide it and hold it in. If I'm quiet, silent, to myself, or sad... Obviously, something is wrong with me and you should pay attention to me. Because you don't know what my mind is going through.

I went a couple of years...

Without having a single...

Suicidal thought.

I don't wish to die and I don't wish to not exist.

I want to exist!

I want to be heard!

….just like anybody else. I've been... holding back the need to speak,

to share my creativity with the world

and to let people in.

I know what I feel is true and I know.... I'm not alone in this.

But sometimes.....

Sometimes....

I can't help the way I feel.

Whether it's just my brain and its chemical imbalances,

or its harsh judgement in making me think that I.... Am NOT!

- good enough.

"They've never listened to me before... So what makes me think they'll listen now?"

This world is looking for a change.

And I think!

…I think,

I..

Am...

Ready!