Moon Cycle

She bakes up cookies every day
her eyeliner is straight
She wears swing dresses and high heels
and calls me her soul mate
🌕
She keeps the kitchen spotless
She loves to give back rubs
She never complains about my habits
or goes out to nightclubs
🌕
But when her moon cycle comes around
Oh boy... the chaos starts
She sheds her sweet demeanor
and tears the world apart
🌕
She's crying in the bathroom
Screaming that her thighs are fat
She's sobbing that "no one could ever love
a bloated furry rat!"
🌕
I tell her she's a princess
but she throws that idea out
and whimpers that her skin is wrecked
while pushing out a pout
🌕
Seconds later, her mood flips hard
She's growling at the wall
She's smashing up the kitchen chairs
throwing the pieces down the hall
🌕
She swallows king-size candy bars
and gnaws our bedpost through
"Being a wolf is hard, my love!"
and I know that it's true
🌕
She's cramping in her lower back
She's shedding on the floor
She's eating everything in sight
and clawing at the door
🌕
I pick up clumps of blonde thick fur
from where she drops each strand
and rub her aching, lower back
with a devoted hand
🌕
I kiss the tears right off her cheeks
her claws on full display
Her little temper tantrums
could never keep me away
🌕
I cook a fancy steak at home
so she won't eat the waiters up
I serve her a bottle of red wine
from a bowl, not in a cup
🌕
Last month, she took out half the block
She ate the neighbors cat and flowers
I had to play stupid and help him search
for several frantic hours
🌕
She brought a bloody deer inside
and put it on our bed
She assured me it was a gift
and kissed me on the head
🌕
She ate Charlies chihuahua
and the Amazon delivery guy
and now she's glaring at me
with a madness in her eye
🌕
She pushes me against the wall
and pins me to the frame
Her breath is hot, her teeth are bared
She's snarling out my name
🌕
She's a little bit unstable
but she's really very sweet
I don't even mind the claw marks
that she leaves in every sheet
🌕
Yeah... dating such a wild beast
can test a fellas nerve
With every single moon cycle
comes an unexpected curve
🌕
But man, she's pure perfection
when the madness settles down
I'd never trade my wolfie girl
for anyone in town