Modern Love: Exhausting Emotional Strategy

Honestly, I’m increasingly feeling this way too.

The dating patterns of many young people today aren't sweet; they’re exhausting. On the surface, they seem meticulous, delicate, and attentive to feelings, but frankly, it’s often not about dating at all. It’s about emotional management, verbal strategy analysis, and a power struggle. Even liking someone feels like a meeting.

This abnormality, I think, stems from a life that is too stable. Too much energy is spent magnifying details, emotions, and personal feelings. In the end, before the relationship even truly becomes a part of life, it is destroyed by internal friction.

When our generation was young, relationships were much more natural. If you liked someone, you liked them; if you got along, you went for it. There wasn't constant agonizing over whether someone’s words were inconsiderate, nor was there this constant escalation of "emotional value," boundaries, or mental exhaustion. Of course, this isn’t to say people back then were more perfect, but many relationships were simpler. People genuinely wanted to build a good life together, so the focus was on striving together. This led to more equal and comfortable dynamics.

Many relationships these days feel increasingly awkward the longer they continue. Words have to be carefully chosen, attitudes controlled, and messages meticulously analyzed. Even a slightly slow reply can spark a whole psychological drama. A single wrong word today is magnified; a minor oversight tomorrow leads to doubts about the level of love. What relationships need most is relaxation, yet this is precisely what is scarcest now.

Many people say they want love, but their minds are already calculating whether it’s "worthwhile," who is giving more, and who is losing out. It’s not that they can’t be clear-headed; it’s that by the time they are, they’ve already dismantled the relationship before it even begins, leaving it utterly devoid of flavor.

How can a relationship like this not be exhausting?

I can truly understand why more young people are choosing not to marry or date. It’s not that they don't need love; it’s that many relationships today are so convoluted that even getting close to someone feels like an adventure.

Honestly, I’m glad I was born earlier. At least in those days, liking someone could be direct. If I were born in this era and had to deal with these highly sensitive, high-intensity, and calculating dynamics every day, I would probably think it is better to live alone than to get married.

Thank you for reading!