Memories of War

Trigger warning- war/ptsd

Once a soldier always a soldier

That’s how the saying goes

Some memories may fade

But a few never do

*

I remember the day vividly

Only two things stood out

The smell of burnt flesh

And an overwhelming aura of death

*

Jokes were passed around

Deflection

Anything to avoid processing what we saw

Detachment

*

Then the drinking got worse

Disconnecting stopped working

The memories flooded back

Emotions of anger, bitterness and regret steamrolled through me

*

I was back in Afghanistan

Back to that moment of pain

A moment I thought I had drowned

But you can't drown a memory

You only drown yourself

*

Healing can finally happen

When I admit I’m not okay

I know I can't forget

But I can come to a place of acceptance

*

We were soldiers once

We had purpose

What we did mattered and it always will

We knew great pain

But we also knew great love and compassion

I served in Afghanistan 2013-2014 with some of the best Men and Women Ive ever known. I am sad and disappointed over the outcome of what happened in current news. However, I will never claim that we did anything but our best over there. What we did mattered. Everyone paid a different price coming home, and that hurt each and everyone of us. Some felt like it wasnt worth it, and alot of regrets were developed because of it.