Maybe I am
...A little goofy.
...Kind of flustered.
...Overthinking.
...Over-talking when I'm NOT thinking about what I'm saying.
...Reserved at at times;
...The spark of conversation at others.
Maybe I am
...Near sighted.
...Heftier.
...Not as visibly muscular.
...A little slower at walking.
...Not the best dressed.
...Not up on the latest music.
...Not up on the latest television.
...Not the first to "loosen up" with a sip of alcohol (though you could try to float one more Pepsi my way and just SEE what happens next).
Maybe I am
...Not grasping at my hopes/plans/dreams/ambitions nearly as quickly as my old acquaintances did.
(Maybe I am starting to let bitterness seep through over that; I've gotta watch that).
Maybe I am
...Self-published for my twelfth going on thirteenth time.
...A writing major by introduction; and a Locker Room Attendant working about 9 hours/week by trade.
...36; and living with my parents again when the promise of an apartment fell through.
...Unlicensed, let alone without a vehicle.
...Still without the first "real" date (Though the housing and vehicle circumstances have also convinced me to put the brakes on asking for a while).
...Still living in my childhood community as my desires to, one day, move forward tantalize me and slip through my fingertips like grains of desired sand.
...The last to be contacted again by old campus friends who used to reach out first (Again, they have families of their own by now. I understand that they've moved forward, just because my life is in neutral).
Maybe I am
...White
...Cisgendered
...English-speaking
...Male
...Christian.
Maybe I don't know what other marginalized groups have gone through; but maybe I still DO know hardship that shouldn't be
...dismissed
...sneered at
...cast aside.
...mocked.
...let alone CELEBRATED.
Maybe I am
...an emotional mess.
...a mental health case.
...allowing my spirit to constantly be shaken by disappointment and unreachable dreams.
...too emotionally attached to people who would never attach themselves so to me and my needs.
...A multi-time suicide attempt.
Maybe I am
...The first to care about another
...And about the last to receive that much care in return.
Maybe, that's who I'm meant to be.
Maybe I am
...Normal.
...A constant work in progress
...Capable of improving on at least my body image or wardrobe.
...Just desirable enough.
...The good friend that others need right now.
...The "just-a-friend" that the next girl I care too deeply for needs.
...The counselor for every OTHER family member's problem.
...Worth still dreaming of a way out (Just not the way out that my past attempts on my own life would have brought me).
...Worth a damn to someone (and let that start with me).
...Good enough.
...Worthy of love (and let it begin with me).
Maybe I am
...just as strong, bold, bright, and a beautiful breath of life as I see everyone else as.
About the Creator
Kent Brindley
Smalltown guy from Southwest Michigan
Lifelong aspiring author here; complete with a few self-published works always looking for more.
https://www.instagram.com/kmoney_gv08/
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