Lump in the throat: you are so smooth

i am not fully awake.

I have barely begun to contemplate my existence, just the mewling, cooing light that has blanketed my form

There is a lump in my throat

I have felt it every time you tell me we should not be friends

Which has been so very often,

I have forgotten what it is like to not have that lump. I am not fully awake and it hurts to speak

Out Loud about the things we never said, but the things you said out loud are the smoothest—-

And it feels too painfully soft to grasp.

It hurts to move my shy and broken muscles

I am full of lumps

Bursting with human life; my womb is my baby’s home

I know you, however

Are smooth.