Lost-ish in what it isn't

It isn’t what it is, yet is what it isn’t, love that is not love

Lost in this feeling, in this stage of ‘ish-ness’ and fog

This strange half-light of unknowing another’s heart

Her and I were something, I felt it grow from first chat

That first message telling me ‘socially awkward is where it’s at’

Fire growing and burning in us both, or at least I thought both

We met for a date, my very first date, leaps and bounds for me

I was lost, in the unknown of what to do, what to say

Discussions of the future, of life, of what to call each other, girlfriends?

You held me, made me feel safe, yet it was not to last

Time together cut short, leaving me in a pit of uncertainty

Lost again ... in a new way

Since then we have been going in circles, unsure if we are ‘we’

Time passed and I have waited, you say you ‘still think the world of me’

Yet is this what it once was, or are we fooling ourselves? Is there no ‘us’

I sit and wait days for a response, I worry and fret … and overthink

Every silence, every message read and not replied, every message hurts

Is it time to call it? Pronounce a TOD on this, the thing that never began

We aren’t anything and never have been, just on the edge of becoming

Us, you, me … more and more I feel it is not what I thought it was

I am lost-ish in what we are, lost-ish in waiting, and lost-ish in what to do

Perhaps I am just lost in a game of your making? Unable to see strings?

All I know is, this is not what it is or what it should have been by now

Yet, it is what it is not already, I am unable to find a way out of the dark

Our love isn’t what it is, and is what it isn’t all at once ...

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Written for the "Lost-ish" Unofficial Poetry Challenge