Losing You

I’m mad at the world

But you probably won’t understand

I’m faced with the fact that I might lose my dad

Even though we aren’t related

He came into my life and helped make this house a home

Helped make this family whole

He showed me what real love was and more

He taught me that my parents didn’t have to define me

That their sins didn’t have to confine me

To a life of sorrow a torment

Because I was above it in that moment

You see

I was two when I met him

I ran out and the first words I spoke was

I love you daddy

Yet, you weren’t even my dad yet

But somehow I knew that you were meant to be

I felt love and light as soon as I saw you

I was just a little thing, but I swear that I remember everything

Before these past two weeks, I’d only ever seen you cry a handful of times

The first time was when I was so sick but the doctor visits weren’t covering it

The second was when you were apologizing for how you reacted because you were just reacting to the stress that you were under with the divorce

I always felt like my health issues helped it run its course

They were all so damn expensive and we could barely make ends meet

Yet I was in the hospital every other week

When you moved out of the house

I was terrified that I’d never see you again

I was worried and felt abandoned again

It took a little time sure

But you always came back

You promised that you’d always come back

You’ve shown me how a father is supposed to be

And you’ve taught me so many amazing things

But two weeks ago marked the first time that I’d seen you cry in a very long time

And I swear that I’m petrified

We were waiting to find out, but now we know

The cancers back and it’s running it’s full course

Now I’m scared that I might lose the only dad that I’ve ever really know

I’m terrified that I might lose the man who helped make this family whole

I just wish that I could take your pain away, and promise you another day

But to my dismay

These things are out of my hands

And I know that I shouldn’t be

But I’m mad a god

Because you’re still so young

Cancer is an awful thing

It feels like it’s terrorizing me

But who am I to think about how this is affecting me

Because you’re the one who has to live with this ugly awful thing

I’m petrified because I might lose you

When I’ve just barely began to understand you