Losing Hope

My subconscious is playing maniacal games with me

I am at a loss of thought on what to do about it

I wake up startled

staring into nothingness

like searching for a star on a cloudy night

This has never happened before 

I hadn't seen you in many years

and suddenly I am being torn apart 

as ground during an earthquake

by the tricks, my mind is playing

making me relive this nightmare

I had stopped giving you a space in my head and my heart

but this sick game of my mind has once again reminded me

of the longing I had for you

of what we could have been together

of what we could have meant for each other

of how I believed we were perfect for each other

like beach sand is made for the ocean

The horrors my subliminal self showed me

are those which I can't describe to anyone but you

but I know that you are not interested in listening 

to what I have to say

because you made me feel like shouting in space

I don't know whether it's your ego or something else

that has always maintained the distance between us

But I know this much that you will always have 

a special place reserved in my soul

I have and will always try to keep the happy parts 

of you in that reserved space

but I am certain now that

I need closure

these games are evidence of that

It's only up to you to provide me the closure

But once again I don't have any hopes

The expectation of hope from you will

definitely suck the optimism out of my life 

that I have built with such vigor and courage

I don't want to let it go

for the sake of my sanity