looking in the mirror

I am somewhere in between clarity and confusion.

between accepting that clarity is sometimes being, and staying, confused. between knowing I am different than what I was and that changing who you are is always just coming back to yourself.

How can I feel so familiar yet so strange in this body? This body that I cannot take so I must do something with it now, BE something with it now.

my head won't match right with what I'm tryna say,

see I say I am going to make a change, and my head goes "or stay stagnant and others will make a change"

I say no, I must be loud yet I sit in silence and lower my volume to mute.

Play the quiet game with myself because these conversations are too frustrating. Silence all around me, yet my head is so loud, pounding with words, with feelings, I just so desperately need to scream.

am I LOUD enough

am I GOOD?

am I LOUD enough

am I WORTHY?

am I LOUD enough

am I STRONG?

I worry my existence into nothing.

I'm, I'm in between a rock and a hard place, and the hard place is my head

I have a thick skull, I don't even listen to myself.

If I listened to myself, maybe I wouldn't be so scared of myself. I'd see I have a lot to say.

why are you scared to be powerful? I ask myself,

what is power, who am I, and what does power look like in me? I respond.