Longing for a marriage

Please forgive my overthinking,

the thought of you being with another even though you are next to me every single day would devastate me

and I wonder why there is no ring on my finger, I wonder when you will realize that

I deserve to be your wife after what you put me through, now you changed your mind

and it kills me when I remember that you wanted to marry me in the beginning of

our relationship, but now that we live together you believe it is better that way,

and please do not even go there, do not think about telling me that love is all that

matters, you said it yourself that love is not the only thing that sustains a relationship

if only love mattered then you would not be hesitant to propose to me and it feels awful

that I am craving a marriage because like someone said “if he wanted to, he would”

and so I’m here thinking about what I lack and what I can change about myself so that

you can see that I am worth marrying but then I have seen how many men cheat on

the most beautiful women ever and these are women with growth mindsets who love

themselves and value themselves and make efforts to be happy with their men, and yet

it is not enough, maybe it is best this way because I don’t want to question the way

love should work like, I don’t want to get married and be your wife if you do not value

me.