I don’t want to be fixed anymore.
I don’t want the light house analogy.
No saving spotlight could pull me to shore,
And no life vest could take me from the sea.
When I was tossed in, I fought to kill,
The current was more than an enemy.
But in crashing waves, they took my will,
And as I’m drowning, I love suffocating.
No shallow water could call to me,
And no shore could tame desire
To rest with struggle in water’s deep,
And to stray from sanity’s fire.
I want the journey to the depths.
I want the shadows, I want despair.
I want the power lost in breaths
When at last I gasp for air.
So let the spotlight search the sea,
Let my lungs plead for air.
Because I can’t give up suffocating;
I’m drowning; addicted to my own despair.
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