Lighthouse

I don’t want to be fixed anymore.

I don’t want the light house analogy.

No saving spotlight could pull me to shore,

And no life vest could take me from the sea.

When I was tossed in, I fought to kill,

The current was more than an enemy.

But in crashing waves, they took my will,

And as I’m drowning, I love suffocating.

No shallow water could call to me,

And no shore could tame desire

To rest with struggle in water’s deep,

And to stray from sanity’s fire.

I want the journey to the depths.

I want the shadows, I want despair.

I want the power lost in breaths

When at last I gasp for air.

So let the spotlight search the sea,

Let my lungs plead for air.

Because I can’t give up suffocating;

I’m drowning; addicted to my own despair.