Light Switch

My thoughts trap me in a confined space,

With no room to breathe.

I can't sleep, but I need to…

…turn off my brain like a light switch,

Or put it in sleep mode.

I hate feeling like this -

- Out - of – control.

I hurt myself;

The way that I talk to myself is – unkind.

B-b-u-t I have no one else.

So, I can't stop myself. I try…

Ugh.

But, there's nowhere to hide from myself…

My thoughts are illuminated in excruciating detail.

...

I'm an overthinker.

I wish I could turn my brain off. No. My thoughts.

I wish I could make them stop. Set myself a limit.

A time release.

But the solutions I turn to cost too much.

Like switches, I can't reach.

Holidays, oh, how I dare to dream.

A vacation is what I need, but that costs…

…money… Which I don't have. Time, which I do, but gets wasted by the things that drain me.

My thoughts turn to therapy, but that's a luxury for the rich.

I'm not made of money.

…I think about my future, but that's a…

Mistake.

The kind of thoughts I wish I could turn off.

The ones that make everything seem worse…

I want to black them out like an eclipse.

So…

...

I get stuck - in my – head - again.

Ugh.

It's hard to escape, but

I need to - stick - it - out… Get through another day.

Tomorrow will be better.

I can start again.

...

All I do is start again…

…

And here come those extra thoughts. The unnecessary ones...

I'm tired of failure… Tired of rejection…

I need something to change,

but I don't have the power to change it.

Ugh, I want to turn off the lights.

…I blink…

…My thoughts keep me from sleeping.

They are the reason the world spins.

The cause of the hurt in my heart…

....The one that wants to sleep...

To heal.

To feel better.

Somehow,

…hope still resides there.

If only - I can turn out the lights…

Then I can sleep.

…

Wake in a better state…

…

…until the next time I break.

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© Simon George 2024. All Rights Reserved.

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