Life after a suicide loss

This morning I awoke, and for a moment I forgot you were gone,

Then reality hit me and I knew my mind was playing tricks on me,

This happens often especially when I dream about you Andrew

My dreams are usually of you as a little boy playing happily

Your mischievous grin made me love you even more.

Now you are gone and every day I live the nightmare of loss

I cannot escape it no matter how hard I try

My heart breaks piece by piece, memories of you creep back

It's a never-ending cycle of pain intercepted my moments of gratitude

Having you in my life is something I will never regret.

I wish I could have told you how much I loved you, Andrew

I wish I could have been there during your darkest hours.

I am your mother I should have been able to protect you,

yet I never knew the torment you were going through

That led you to take your own life, I only wish I had known.

Now I grieve for you feeling powerless

and ravaged with guilt as only a mother can understand

How can I carry on? I ask myself this every day

But what choice do I have?

Your brothers and sisters have been through enough pain.

I have to try to get through the dark days,

Maybe my story doesn't need to end in this way

Perhaps I can help by raising awareness of suicide.

Start a support group there is so much I could do,

This way my son will live on and help others.

I am starting to feel more positive that some good can come out of this tragedy in memory of Andrew my son that I love and miss every day!!

Alexis Mundy

By raising awareness about suicide a