Leg

my left leg fell off in bed the other night

fell off and disappeared as well

i haven’t the foggiest about where it went

it’s not here so only that i can tell

i turned my lamp on so i could see

but my leg was nowhere to be seen

and what struck me as really strange

was the spot where it once had been

i had to hop around to my partners side

i tried to wake her, i tried to tell her

but she just lay there pretending that she died

(not to be put off in anyway by the current state of affairs i told her…)

no more jumping through hoops i said

no more running around

no more walking it off

i’m gonna try and stand my ground

no more jumping to conclusions

no more dancing just twirling in place

no more dashing for hopes i said

no more leaps of faith

no jogging, no more stepping

look at me now not so slick

all i got in me's a coupla hops

cut to the chase and the quick

meanwhile my leg had neither

popped out, reappeared or grown back

i'm beginning to take it personally now

like some sort of ludicrous limb loss lack

i didn't even have a little leg

where the old one used to be

gonna have to sell all of my pants

cause they're no good to me

half my shoes are useless too

and all my fuckin jocks (undies)

but the silver lining to this legless mess

is that i now have twice as many socks

everyone calls me Hoppy now

my favourite song is Jump

(Not the Pointer Sisters! )

i am real funny if i drink too much

and i never take the hump

so if you see me at woolies

please kindly stand aside

the trolley helps me keep my balance

but the hop and shop kills my pride