Killer Bunny

A girl, named Eileen or Sarah or Tom or some other irrelevant nom de plume considerate,

Would soon be turning eight.

And for her birthday,

She wanted something great.

^ ^ ^

Eileen said, “Mom and Dad, I want something real!”

They gave her a stuffed bunny, which seemed to her not particularly funny (assuming that was the intended deal).

Father quipped, “It has nearly the same feel!”

Mother was more reticent: “God rewards those who first kneel.”

Putting aside the logical confusion concerning “first kneeling” or “kneeling first,” Eileen figured, Well, it could have been worse (while recognizing it best not to consider the possibilities).

^ ^ ^

Eileen named her stuffed bunny Begin,

And much to her parents’ chagrin,

Treated him as real as the closest winking star.

She fed him; she bathed him.

She rescued him with a mercenary ground-and-air assault team hired from the back pages of Soldier of Fortune after he had been bunny-napped by devilish furry traffickers.

^ ^ ^

Her love grew.

It burned and heated the night.

It marched like a Templar Knight,

Running through those in her dreams,

Who refused to believe.

“Recant! The bunny is real!”

“No! I shall never kneel!”

“Then your head it shall be, so corporeal!”

^ ^ ^

Begin felt the raging bale,

And he came alive in a special, raging bunny way.

Begin slept at Eileen’s side,

Whispering to her in the night,

“Child, do not fear,

As I am always near.

When life throws you something scary,

I shall send it to the Sematary!”

^ ^ ^

Such musings seemed a bit ill-timed,

But Eileen thought, Bunny—mine!

^ ^ ^

One fateful night,

A man did come,

Peeking through Eileen’s window,

Like recidivist scum.

He meant her ill will,

With a hammer and a drill,

As he’d done to the others who’d succumbed,

At the quarry near township Fishkill.

^ ^ ^

Begin, he saw him there,

And gave him quite a glare.

And when the man came through the window,

Begin the bunny jumped right in his hair!

^ ^ ^

He scratched the man’s eyes,

He scratched the man’s face,

He scratched his cheeks till they’d turned to crimson lace.

Begin spun in the air,

Like a furry flying totem,

Then dove down deep,

Plunging his teeth right through,

The evil man’s scrotum.

^ ^ ^

The man howled.

Eileen jumped awake.

Her parents came to her room,

After Mother first grabbed a rake.

^ ^ ^

The stage was set.

The man, screaming in pain, somehow managed

To grab Begin’s mane.

He pulled him off his balls,

And threw him at the walls.

Poor little Begin suffered a fracture

Of his little bunny skull.

^ ^ ^

The assailant

Out the window did go.

Begin was now a late bunny hero.

^ ^ ^

So let us take this tale,

And see what it has taught.

We all want something special,

We all want something good.

And maybe we will,

Maybe we could,

Or maybe we should.

^ ^ ^

But when you think of comfort,

And how victimized you are,

Lacking fame,

And obscene amounts of money,

Stop bitching.

^ ^ ^

At least you are not,

That poor fucking bunny.