Just a Best Friend?

I am so sorry.

I am sorry, my love, my soulmate… that I didn’t realize it earlier. I still don’t know myself after four decades, so I should have thought on marriage for at least four weeks.

I wanted to be that good man who could step up. Step up for you, myself, and the larger world when we said commitment with my best friend is possible.

And you have been so much more than a best friend to me. We took on the world and made a beautiful life together.

But neither of us said the word “forever.” I fear that while our intimate friendship will never change… our love has.

Three long-term relationships in my life, and both before this turned into friendship instead.

Now I think it’s happened again. I feel that feeling for someone else. No matter how often I remind myself it could be an illusion — it could just be infatuation — it always comes back.

I don’t want to live with a best friend anymore. I want someone who fires me up on all fronts.

It has been too long that my partner and I sacrifice compatibility in bed for personality connection.

It’s almost like we forget, over and over, that we can have both. I know you feel that separating would be unfair. But isn’t it unfair of us to settle, too?

Maybe you can go find that one that got away. For me, that one might be right here. Waiting for the moment I walk out that door.